In "newly discovered journals," historians have found records that American president Abraham Lincoln embarked on an exhibition to hunt and kill the legendary sasquatch.

In 1937, Lincoln searched in uncharted areas of the Western United States determined to find the ape man he had been told about by a Native American medicine man named "Darting Ferret."

Lincoln and his hunting party tracked the beast through the Northwestern wilderness, coming so close as to smell the horrific acrid odor of the animal. In his journal, Lincoln wrote, "It smelled like a cross between the stump end of a wooden leg and the devil himself if he were prone to vapors."

The group saw the apeman below while they perched on a hillside. The animal "had the hair of a bear, but the shape of a man." Lincoln, impetuous and never shying from a fight, charged the Bigfoot. Overpowered by the strength of Sasquatch, Lincoln was pinned down and at the creature's mercy.

Bigfoot only examined and smelled Lincoln. Then had mercy on Abe and walked into the woods. Never to be seen again. Both legends, Sasquatch's and Abraham Lincoln's have continued to grow.

(Thank you Monkey Goggles for the good laugh.)

It's an old story. Husband comes home early, wife panics, her naked lover jumps out the window to hide. You usually see this in comic form. In the case of 25-year-old Sun Meng, the window was on the second floor of a large apartment building in Chengdu, China, a city of 11 million people. A neighbor snapped a picture, which was uploaded to a community internet site, and Sun's life changed immediately.

"My family is ashamed and none of my own neighbours will talk to me any more," said Sun.

"I know what I did was wrong but I was afraid he would kill me.

"People are even laughing at how I look naked - but I have to point out it was a very cold day," he added.

Cold day, huh? Likely story. I blame sheer terror.

A Russian warehouse forklift driver, which may have been that Russian bear from the Looney Tunes cartoons, got a little loose with the reverse on his lift.

Watch the yellow forklift in the upper-right corner of the video. Bruno comes back nice and easy, when all of a sudden he guns it right into the stacks of carefully brewed vodka.

Many of you are going to be sad after that. Roll the clip!



The gallons of of vodka will be mourned at every pub in Russia today from 12:30pm until last call.

Looks like I missed one heck of a film festival.

For more look up director, Tim Godsall

The Philadelphia Inquirer ran this Macy*s ad in today's paper to congratulate the Phillies on back-to-back championships.

Big Oops.

In case you're not paying attention, it's the Yankees who could clinch the title with a win tonight.

Not that it's going to make me boycott Macy*s. But lets just say I won't be buying my 2009 Yankees World Series Championship T-Shirt in Herald Square.

LINK

Some of your favorite movies (Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc...) have their narratives visualized by the geniuses at xkcd. The full-size version is available after the jump.

Back to the Future in rap form. Futuristic Sex Robotz relate the entire movie in five minutes, and it makes complete sense even if you hadn't seen the film. NSFW.

(via Topless Robot)

The Today Show did their little dog and pony Halloween production last week. Roker was dressed as the worst Han Solo in the history of ever.

During a holiday entertaining segment, some Ewoks that were onset for ambiance went nuts. There was a food fight, some wrasslin', boozin' (Anne Curry confiscated a martini), A Jacko Moonwalking tribute and other shenanigans.

Then there was the humping.

First to one of the guests. Then to 'ole jolly Roker himself.


Maybe this is acceptable behavior on Endor. Mr. Roker, in the immortal words of Clark W. Griswald, "If he lays into ya, it's best just to let him finish."

From The Sports/Flying Rodent Desk...

Last night during the Kings Spurs game, a bat flew down from the belfry of the AT&T Center. Okay, I don't know if the Spurs stadium has a belfry, but the bat had to come from somewhere.

The rabies-infested little bugger did a few passes over the game, buzzing a fast break at one point.

Manu Ginoblli had seen enough. With a swift move, he dispensed of the beast and after a little hand sanitizer, the game went on.



No word if Manu flopped before the kill to try and draw and offensive foul on the bat.

ADDENDUM: Check the temp in hell, you're not going to believe this, Peta weighs in! Who had the under on 8 hours on the board? Note they still haven't changed their blog from the "Pedophiles." (I may not be spelling that right.) The nuts said:

To bludgeon a 4-ounce animal to death, it takes either a small man or a totally unthinking one--with no respect or consideration for lives humbler than his own. This is a time when athletes in particular need to be on their best behavior around any animal and show that they have brains and a heart, not just reactionary brawn. We hope that the next time someone's life is on the line, Manu Ginobili will take just a few seconds to think before he acts.

I wonder if they released the same statement after I killed the rat in our building's lobby last summer?

On Friday Night with Jonathan Ross over on BBC1, Christopher Walken took a turn at reading the words to "Poker Face."

He nailed it!
(Off rock and pop station rotation I hope.)

Is there anything this man can't do?

There's a special Peter Sellers reading on the jump.